Playing at home

My fist home bout

I was picked to play in a home bout, this brought on both excitement and fear in me. Playing a home bout is something I have always hoped to do as my friends would be able to come and watch me play, and there is something about playing at home that is just extra exciting.

I am not very good at knowing what is going through other peoples minds but I think my pre bout nerves may follow a slightly different pattern to a lot of peoples. The first few days were just excitement that I had been picked and would be playing , mixed with fear that all those people would be watching me, but then the worry about the practical aspects set in. My worries turned to could I handle the noise of the crowd? How was I going to travel there? what would I need food and drink wise and how would I find where my changing room was?

I put my plan together I would walk to the sports centre as it is hard to get parked there during the day, and that would stress me out. I would take the slightly longer route missing out the city centre as to avoid all the survey and charity people, as I cant deal with them when they come up to you.

So with some healthy snacks I set off for the bout along my quiet route, it was even more peaceful than I had expected, then I got to the sports centre. Every thing seemed to me to be hectic but organised one of the other players spotted me and showed me where to change, I took my time getting changed and didn’t try and stop myself doing things like doing up my laces twice. A lot of the players were joking , laughing and talking, I couldn’t follow all the chatter so I just tried to block it out for a bit and stay calm. Then our line-up came in to talk to us And every one went quiet, as we listened to her telling us the game plan, I started to really feel part of the team.

We then left our changing room to head for the bench the crowd was coming in and the music started up, you would think this would make me more nervous but I think it was just so over whelming I just became calm. That was until the skate out, remembering which way to skate where to stop and then just standing there in front of the crowd while people take pictures. I felt a bit wobbly almost like I was doing it drunk, by blocking out every thing and just concentrating on my goal I made it, and I felt like I could do anything.

There is not much about the actual game I can tell you its all a blur but I have seen video footage and, I stuck with my team mates , held back some jammers, and we won!!

so I all an amazing day.

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What’s in my head isn’t in your head

So far my posting has not exactly been regular, it is not that I forget that this page exists its more that I forget people don’t know what I’m doing unless I tell them. To any one with experience of autism or aspergers the fact I’m having problems Communicating is probably no surprise, but I’m always trying to improve. I have decided to try and go about this a different way, as I have one of these smart phones I’m going to try and do small updates on my phone. So this is the first of hopefully more regular updates.

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We have a home bout coming up, this obviously causes a lot of excitement, who will be on the team, and what will the theme be. As I am not yet at being in the team stage I help out with the bout, its not mandatory but I want to help and be involved. The only problem is what to volunteer for, not as easy as you may think when you have limited ability to imagine the future, and have limited social abilities. So the going over the few bouts I have been to begins, what made me flap, or hum, the moments that made me cover my ears, and of course where are people easiest to predict. Going over these questions has surprised me, the best place is right in the centre on the white board, it’s the noisiest brightest place in the whole room, but its consistent, and most importantly everyone’s predictable. In the middle your part of the refereeing team you have a job to do, and a regulated system of communication which limits greatly the chances of me accidentally offending someone. At first I was surprised by this until I thought about what I really can’t do, selling raffle tickets wandering up to unpredictable members of the public and asking if they want raffle tickets. As I can’t do the same job every time I finally settled on one request in my email “I will give any job a go just don’t put me on raffle tickets (I am appalling at it).

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Starting off

After more than a year of wanting to I have finally stopped worrying what people may, or may not think of it, and started posting. Having aspergers means I’m not very good at predicting what other people’s reactions or feelings to something will be, so posting brings anxiety for me, even so I am still drawn to trying it. Most of what I post will probably be about aspergers, and roller derby, you have been warned.

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